Before jumping out of bed this morning I’ve been giving my mind and spirit muscles a wee stretch. You know that big long satisfying stretch you do to shake off sleep, that transforms you to ‘awake’ and on? Well this is kind of similar though it looks to shake off/look at the ‘something’ thats not sitting right, thats creating a bit of drag in your slip stream.
I woke up this morning with a hangover from the weekend, actually from the last week or two. A hangover of can I do this, can I consistently turn up to the change I want to create…..can I create and live my vision? Some days I run at my goals/dream/vision with the determination and power of an Olympic athlete. Others I bring the gusto of a pyjama wearing, dvd watching, snack eating, newspaper reading……..aged care resident. The divide between the two is Grand Canyon in proportion with Miss Consistency a no show. Well I lie, I consistently morph between vibrancy and lethargy. Yes I consistently do that. And to be honest lethargy is the clear contender for most tickets sold.
I have grand plans/vision. They are sprawled before me out on the lawn like a bountiful picnic.
My vision includes living my joy – doing more of the things I love, being with love and in love, turning up to the world with humour. Simply – abundant love, joy and laughter. And yes I’ve had a wee nibble but theres been no paper plate on my lap groaning under the weight of potatoe salad, fresh bread, ham and mustard. There is alot of untrodden green lawn between me and the bounty. And possibly less than I realise (but thats another post).
This past weekend I’ve been a bit fluey so one could excuse recluse with a side order of lethargic. But today I’ve woken up with the realisation formed from the last couple of weeks – the old pattern, routine and behaviours don’t fit anymore. Dammit, but more importantly yay! Now I’ve known for an age they didn’t fit. I’ve known in my mind – logically but was still able to turn off logic, recline and forget when I so chose. But this weekend my body, spirit and soul got it and theres no going back when you hit the trifecta.
You know when you’ve grown out of something, exhausted the joy? When your needs are not being met. What used to be a wonderful treasure trove of retreat and security is no longer, you keep on doing it but it doesn’t provide the hit it once use to. Instead, when your in the old behaviour / action your present to what your not living, what your not allowing in. You have big black rimmed magnifying glasses on with laser beam awareness flooding out through the lenses. You don’t choose to wear them but you find them on your face and there near impossible to get off.
The comfy nooks and crannies of retreat from your authentic self no longer are comfy, they’re more like pointy jagged rocks (not a place you want to spend time in). Well I’m there. And I know I’m joined by half of the global population, I am not special in my experience of this. Its called being human and being at the coal face of change.
And I love it by the way – the power of transformation and the joyful gifts it can deliver. I clicked recently that it is not ourselves (true self) that we seek to transform, we are perfectly imperfect. It is the adapted selves and their behaviours and the solicitous affairs they hold with doubt, limitations and blocks. Well, thats where the light of change is focussed for me.
Stretch over, faith and hope restored. Nothing like a wee bit of writing aka distance to give me perspective. The distance reminds me to take it all lightly and with humour, I am but a grain of sand in this cosmos. I have two arms, two legs, health, shelter, food, family and friends. All is good. I wanted to share though because I reckon loads of people could relate in some way. And thats the point of this post for me, to remind myself that ‘this’ isn’t about me, I am no different to anybody else. I do not ‘have’ something that is incurable and immovable, I am human and this is change. And getting on with the business of it is all thats required. With a truck load of laughter, compassion, love and delicious food of course.
I would love to hear your stories of change. Of a new energy your creating into being in your life………do share.